pizza:

*uses snapchat text bar to cover double chin*

(via zackisontumblr)

imaginelarrys:

stylinsmut:

im a hostess at a restaurant and my favorite thing to do is ask 14/15 year old boys who are out on dates if they want a kids menu 

i love you

(via d-r-3-a-m-big)

milfoftheyear:

when you see a shoe in the middle of the road and you wonder what is its story

(via epixelated)

arkhams:

hey … so,.. uhh… (looks at notecards) did you uh did …you fall out of heaven because um (drops cards) shit fuck oh god fuck im so sorry  youre-youre just s o.pretty i m soryr

(via gameofgraham)

celeryandhummus:

our kids will probably attend a middle school dance where the theme is the 2010’s

they’ll wear leggings with ugg boots and twerk to “call me maybe”

(via gameofgraham)